Wherever You Are Read online

  “If you only had a few days to live, what would you want to do?”

  “Honestly?” She wasn’t sure if he was ready for her answer. The first thought that ran through her mind was him.

  “Is there any other way?”

  Avery heard the amusement in his voice and couldn’t help the grin that formed as a result. El had made her promise a long time ago that they would always be honest with each other. Except she hadn’t been honest about her reasons for breaking up with him. She wondered if there was anything he’d kept from her.

  “Okay,” she said. “I think I’d like to focus on my legacy and spend as much time with my loved ones as I could.”

  Yep. That was the safe answer. The one least likely to get her in a whole lot of trouble.

  “Well, that was pretty safe.” El laughed. “Can you at least try not to give me the patented Avery Montgomery interview version?”

  Sighing, she decided to go with the truth. “Fine. If I only had a few days to live, I’d want to spend it with you.”

  The silence that followed made her fidget in her seat. She couldn’t see him or get a read on his reaction to her soft confession.

  Is this going to be a repeat of the other day? Would El simply get up and leave, and disappear for another day or forever? Avery couldn’t take back the words. They were the absolute truth. If El would just give her the roadmap back to his heart, she would happily travel it with no hesitation. It wouldn’t matter how hard, how rough the terrain, if doing so would give her even one more minute, one more second with him.

  Avery shook her head. It was those thoughts that made her feel unhinged, desperate where El was concerned. And that was not her. She was who she was in the industry for a reason. She didn’t take any crap from people. She was strong, assertive, a long way from that woman who’d let Dr. Law get to her. It was a conundrum, of sorts. On the other hand, she was just Avery, the woman who was hopelessly in love with Dr. Elwood Jackson, the woman who’d let his brother get in her head and run her away from the love of her life.

  “You asked for the truth,” she muttered. “I gave it to you.”

  “I better get this cleaned up,” he said, not addressing her confession. Then, she heard him stand, and walk away, leaving her alone in the space of uncertainty once again.

  * * *

  El was pissed. More than that, he felt stuck. Stuck in his feelings for a woman who had essentially broken his heart. Loving Avery was easy. He’d never actually stopped. But there was the rub. Nothing had changed, including the reasons they weren’t together anymore. Oh, and the pesky truth that they didn’t even live in the same city.

  Even if El thought he could trust her again, they had a physical distance barrier that would prevent him from trusting it. Especially since it hadn’t worked before. At this stage in his career, he was happy where he was. El was a well-respected young black doctor at a top medical facility. He loved what he did for a living. It didn’t feel like work to him, to help his patients, to be in the hospital day in and day out.

  He glanced out the patio window at her seated on the deck. He’d hurt her by leaving without answering her. Would it be like this with them forever? Consumed by hurt feelings, unsaid words?

  El had struggled all day with his feelings for her and his never-ending attraction to her. Shaving her legs, helping her dress had nearly killed him. He’d wanted to kiss her, wanted to do more than kiss her. Good sex wouldn’t solve anything, though. In the morning, the past would still be between them, threatening to destroy the tentative trust they’d started to rebuild.

  Yes, the attraction was still there, but he couldn’t give into the pull. Not right now. It wasn’t the right time to get into their feelings with each other. Her parents would be arriving shortly, possibly in a matter of minutes. He hadn’t seen Phil and Jan in years. Because when Avery had left, she wasn’t the only person he’d lost. He’d lost people he’d grown close to, people he’d loved like family.

  Letting out a slow, cleansing breath, he slid the patio door open and stepped onto the deck. “Hey.”

  Avery turned toward him, her face impassive. God, she’s so beautiful. He took her hand and pulled her to him before he could think better of it. “I heard what you said.”

  Avery gasped, dug her fingernails into his forearm. “You didn’t—”

  “Now is not the time to discuss this. And I do want to talk about it. But you have a lot of work ahead of you. Let’s get through that first. We can deal with ‘us’ later.”

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  “For now, let’s take the long way back into the house.” He led her down the deck stairs. Along the way, he described details of the house to her. The shutters were the same white they’d been when they were dating. He assumed she’d hired help to maintain the yard, so the grass was freshly cut. “Smell the grass?” he asked. “Looks like it was cut this morning. And the flowers are blooming.”

  She smiled and it was the loveliest sight he’d ever seen. “What kind of flowers?”

  Swallowing, El described the daisies and purple lilacs on the bush in front of the garage. He also described the evidence of more to come. Janice Montgomery was a master gardener. When he was dating Avery, he’d spent a lot of time with her parents at their home.

  When he’d visited, they would often be in the garden. Her father, Phil, could be seen cutting the grass or trimming the hedges and her mother would often be elbow deep in the dirt, planting flowers or pulling weeds.

  He snapped a stem from the lilac bush and waved it under her nose. Avery moaned. “Oh, El. It smells divine.”

  “It does,” he agreed. “I’m glad your parents kept the house.”

  “My parents didn’t want to let it go, and neither did I. We had a lot of good times here. They don’t spend a lot of time in Michigan, but it’s here for them when they return for visits. It’s theirs free and clear now, and I make sure it’s taken care of in their absence.” She squinted up at him.

  Avery was worth a lot of money at this point in her career. She could buy her parents any house they wanted, but the fact that she maintained her childhood home from hundreds of miles away for her parents told him that there were still parts of the Avery he knew in her.

  Frowning, he asked, “Are you registering the light of the sun?”

  She nodded. “I can see light.” Then she smiled again. “I can see light.” The tears that shimmered in her eyes made his heart swell.

  “Can you make out anything specific? Like color?”

  “No, but it’s not dark. That’s a good sign. Isn’t it?”

  He grazed the back of his hand down her cheek before brushing his thumb under her eye, catching a tear. “It is definitely a good sign.”

  She grinned. “It’s beautiful.”

  As he took in her face, her wide luminous eyes, he was hit with the compulsion to throw caution to the wind and take her in his arms. He wanted to kiss her until her knees buckled, drive away with her nestled against him.

  As they neared the front door, he saw Jess’s car pull into the driveway. A moment later, he heard Phil Montgomery say, “Avery, my baby girl! Hi, El!”

  He turned to see the thin man standing next to the car, waving. The years had been good to Phil. He was tall and lean with light skin and light brown hair. Avery had shared her father’s story with him years ago. Phil never knew his father, only that he was a white man who’d impregnated Phil’s mother when she was very young. He’d also never known his mother, who’d died during childbirth. Phil was raised by his maternal aunt, which shaped the older man’s view on life and love. It wasn’t uncommon for Phil to be blunt in his observations, but El knew him to be a man of wisdom. His wit was unrivaled, and when he loved, he loved hard.

  Smiling, El greeted the older man with a wave before leading Avery over to him. Phil promptly scooped her into his arms.

>   Avery cried as her father held her. He heard Phil whisper words of comfort, words of love to her while his hand rubbed soothing circles over her back. It wasn’t the first time El had envied Avery’s relationship with her parents. Early on, he’d realized that he’d give up all the money he had to have that type of relationship with a parent—or even his older brother.

  When Phil set Avery on her feet again, he glanced up at El with identical topaz eyes. Grinning, Phil stepped forward and pulled El into a strong hug. Pulling back, with his hands on El’s shoulders, Phil said, “I’m glad you’re here. I appreciate you.”

  Letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, El said, “I’m glad I’m here, too, Phil.”

  A loud scream sounded behind him as Janice Montgomery made her way over to them with Jess close behind her. Jan pulled Avery into a hug. Avery’s mother was a petite woman with mocha skin and kind brown eyes. She’d worked her entire life as a nurse before retiring.

  When Jan spotted El, she embraced him. El couldn’t help but loosen up in her arms. Jan wasn’t his mother, but she’d been a motherly figure to him. He’d missed her.

  Several minutes and many more hugs later, they were inside the house. Jan had already brewed coffee.

  “I plan to cook dinner tonight,” Jan said, bringing over a tray with a coffee carafe and mugs.

  El and Avery sat on the floral sofa in the living room. Jess sat on a smaller loveseat, and Phil made himself comfortable in his recliner.

  “Coffee?” Jan asked El.

  “Sure, Jan,” he said, eyeing Avery. She’d grown silent, pensive, as soon as they’d stepped back inside the house. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but refrained.

  “Avery?” Jan called, a pained look in her eyes. “Do you want a cup of coffee, sweetie?”

  Avery shook her head and gave a slight smile in the direction of her mother. “No, Mama. I’m fine.”

  Jan’s eyes locked on El, and he wanted to reach out and give the older woman a hug. The devastation was plain on her face.

  “Avery saw light today,” El announced, not deterred by the thin, hard line that appeared on Avery’s lips at his words. “That’s a good sign.”

  Phil bowed his head and let out a slow breath, while Jan’s gaze went up, looking at the ceiling. Relief. They were relieved at this news, which is why he’d mentioned it when he did.

  “That’s good,” Phil finally said.

  Jess nodded, tears welling in her eyes. “Avery, that’s great.”

  Avery cleared her throat. “I guess. I’m back in the dark now. But at least there was light for a little while.”

  El placed his hand on her knee and didn’t miss the way her parents and Jess followed his movement with their eyes. “It’s a step in the right direction.”

  They sat for a while, chatting and drinking coffee. When Avery stood, explaining that she needed to excuse herself, Jess jumped to her feet and led her out of the room.

  Once they were out of earshot, Jan asked, “El, how is she? She wouldn’t really talk to us on the phone.”

  “She’s doing a lot better than she was,” El explained. “I finally got her to eat a full meal.”

  Phil nodded. “That’s a good thing.”

  El knew from Jess that Avery had limited talk with her parents while in the hospital because she wanted them to enjoy their vacation. Avery had waited to tell them about her stroke and subsequent blindness until they had docked in Seattle last night.

  “I know this isn’t your specialty, but in your professional opinion, do you think she’ll regain her sight?” Jan asked him.

  “Jan,” Phil said. “You know more than most that there is no way to know that.”

  Phil rubbed his wife’s back gently before pulling her into a tender hug. El turned away, affected by the scene before him.

  Jess joined them after a few minutes. “Avery is tired. She wants to lie down.” Jess’s concerned gaze met his. “She said she’s sorry.”

  El stared at the distraught expressions in Avery’s parents’ eyes and wanted to march upstairs and tell Avery to push through the emotions. Not just for them, but for herself. Instead, though, he stood. “I better get going, then.”

  “Before you go,” Jess said. “Avery wants to see you.”

  Chapter 8

  Avery sat on the edge of her bed. She felt guilty for making her parents sad. And even though she couldn’t see them, she’d felt the tension in the room around her.

  Yes, it was good to feel the warmth of their hugs and their presence, but things had taken a different turn once they were inside the house. It was a blow to go from the elation she’d felt at registering the light of the sun to being pitched back into a vat of darkness upon stepping into her childhood home.

  She wanted to be okay for them, but she wasn’t okay at that moment and felt it best that she excused herself for a bit. They’d taken care of her the best they knew how. She’d learned from them, grown with them and left them to find her own way before bringing them to live with her so she could take care of them. Avery considered it an honor to be able to give back to them what they’d given her. Security and love.

  Now it felt like she was taking from them again and it frustrated her. They’d worked hard, done everything they were supposed to do. It was time for them to enjoy their life, not be thrust into the role of caregivers for her. Jess had told her that they all were happy to do whatever it took to help and support her, but Avery didn’t feel right about it. Avery wanted to be able to take care of herself.

  She sensed El near before she heard him. “You want to know how I knew you were in my room?”

  “I already know,” he said, his voice soft.

  “I feel it. I always feel it. Even before I lost my sight, I could feel your presence like a warm blanket on a cold night. I need that. I need you to treat me like I’m normal. Treat me like I can see you.”

  “But you can’t see me. You can’t, Avie. What kind of person would I be if I acted like you could? I deal with patients every day that have lost something, whether it’s their sight, their hearing, a loved one, their mind.”

  “I’m not one of your patients.”

  “No, you’re not. You know, they need to be able to help you, Avery. It’s not just for you. It’s for them.”

  Avery closed her eyes at the low sound of El’s voice. He wasn’t mad, but he was firm. “I just need some time, okay?”

  “You need all the support you can get. You’re up here and they’re down there with no clue on how to proceed.”

  “Did you ever stop to think how hard this is for me?”

  “Oh, I know it’s hard for you. I imagine it would be the same for me if I were in this position. But what are you going to do, Avie? Are you are going to stay in this room and in your head, or are you going to get your ass up and live your life?”

  “I just need time, El,” she snapped. “I need time to think. Which is why I called you up here.”

  “What is it? Do you want me to not come around for a few days?”

  The bite in his tone made her flinch. Frowning, she said, “No. I called you up here to ask you to take me away from here.”

  Silence.

  Avery had made her choice when Jess brought her up to the room. Avery loved her parents so much, but the only peace she felt was when she was with El. She needed that if she was going to get better.

  “I’ve made a lot of mistakes,” she continued. “I’m far from perfect. I’m stubborn. I don’t really have a filter. I’m driven. I messed up. I broke us. I understand why you would hate me. I walked out on you after I promised I never would.”

  “I don’t hate you, Avie. I could never hate someone I loved so much.”

  She didn’t miss the “ed” at the end of the word that was running through her mind every second of the day when it came to him. “
But you’re angry and torn. And I get it. I deserve it. Like I said, I messed up. But I’m not afraid to tell you that I need you. I need you to stay with me. I need to stay with you. Take me away. Please.”

  The sound of his footsteps on the carpet drew her attention down. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the rejection. Why did she continually put herself in the position for him to reject her? He’d done it after he’d kissed her; he’d done it on the deck. What had made her think this time would be different, she didn’t know.

  The answer was easy, though. She loved him. She’d never stopped. And she wanted to be with him, be near him. Even if it was only temporary.

  The air around her grew thick as she waited for his response. She felt the tips of his fingers across her cheek. “Avie.” His voice warmed her insides like her favorite hazelnut coffee.

  He pulled her to her feet. The soft scent of his cologne wafted to her nose and she shivered. “What?”

  El leaned his forehead against her temple. He didn’t speak for a while, just stood there.

  Avery couldn’t take the silence any longer. “El?”

  His breath fanned across her ear. “I worked hard,” he mumbled.

  “Worked hard?”

  “To get over you,” he admitted.

  “Oh.” What am I supposed to say to that? The only thing she could think of was I’m sorry. But she didn’t say it because it didn’t seem like it was enough.

  Her stomach clenched in anticipation of his next words. All of a sudden, all of that bravado she’d had a few minutes earlier evaporated into thin air.

  “What do you want from me, Avery?” he asked against her ear, before taking her earlobe between his lips.

  “Jelly.”

  “Jelly?” he asked, a chuckle bursting from his lips.

  “Oh, goodness,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to say jelly.” Jelly was how her legs felt. It wasn’t something she’d meant to voice out loud. But the intensity of the moment had apparently fried her brain. “I mean, you asked me what I wanted from you. My answer is I don’t know. I just...” Avery swallowed past the hard lump in her throat. “I...”