Wherever You Are Read online

  “Come on, man.” Drake fell in beside him. “You’re not this guy.”

  El stopped in his tracks. Turning to his nephew, he took a deep breath. “What, Drake? What the hell do you need me to say?”

  “How about get your head out of your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go get your woman.” Drake sighed heavily. “El, she needs you.” He met El’s eyes again. “And real talk? You need her, too.”

  Sighing, El eyed Drake. His nephew was absolutely correct. After everything, he needed Avery. The mass of his conflicting emotions about her was driving him insane. Obviously, he wanted her just as fiercely as he ever had. All it took was one look into her eyes, and he wanted to do whatever it took to have her. He wanted her to choose him—over her career, over everything and everyone else.

  It was sobering for him to acknowledge the fact that, despite everything, he would choose her in a heartbeat if she let him. That, coupled with the resentment that still spread in his gut when he saw her, made him feel crazy.

  El sighed. “So, what happened today?”

  “She saw her nurse’s shadow today,” Drake explained.

  Frowning, El said, “That’s a good thing.”

  “Except it lasted for all of two seconds. She flipped out and canceled her appointment with the occupational therapist.”

  “I’ll go see her,” El told Drake.

  Drake nodded. “I think it’s best.”

  El grimaced when Drake squeezed his shoulder. “Get your hands off me.”

  Drake laughed. “I feel like the older brother today. You should give me a dollar for this session.”

  When Drake had been going through his own romance woes with Love, he would often come to El’s office and plop a dollar bill down on his desk for “doctor–patient confidentiality.”

  El snorted. “Wait for it.”

  They talked for a few more minutes before El excused himself to check on a patient.

  * * *

  An hour later, El was standing in the doorway of Avery’s room at her parents’ house. She was sitting up in bed, her eyes open and forward. Her foot was propped up on a pillow, her swollen toe visible even from where he was standing. He’d asked Rosa to give them a few moments, to which the older woman happily agreed.

  “Are you just going to stand there watching me?” Avery asked softly.

  El wasn’t surprised she knew he was there. If anything, he’d expected it. She’d always sensed when he was near, just like he knew when she was around. Some religious folks would call it a soul tie.

  Lawrence had rarely gone to church. He did so only when there was a program or he was being honored with a community award or making a huge donation for appearances. But while living in Las Vegas, El had made friends with a kid whose father was a pastor at a local church. As a result, he’d visited the small congregation on many Sundays and had even attended Sunday school on countless occasions.

  His Sunday school teacher, Sister Mildred, used to sneak him peppermints every time he was there. It was the highlight of his week. One particular Sunday, he remembered arriving early just to talk to Sister Mildred. She was a petite woman with wide hips and a crooked smile. But she was one of the best people he knew. Her hugs were like warm cocoons, and that day he’d needed one.

  El remembered walking into the small church and getting Sister Mildred’s attention right away. She left her class for him that day, walked with him to the corner and let him vent to her about Lawrence and his parents and how alone in the world he’d felt. Instead of giving him what he’d come for—a hug—she’d pointed at him and told him that he had to stop letting his brother and his parents steal his joy.

  That one day, those few words had changed his life. And looking at Avery, so vulnerable, so alone, made him want to give her those same words. But he sensed they would ring hollow to her. He couldn’t imagine being in her shoes. He couldn’t fathom not being able to see. So the only thing he could do was help her see life through her ears, her mouth, her fingers.

  Stepping into the room, he said, “Not anymore.”

  Avery crossed her arms in front of her chest, her mouth set into a hard line, but she remained silent.

  El had expected her wrath. He did kiss her and disappear. But he hadn’t expected her silence. “No smart comment, no kicking me out of your room?”

  Avery frowned, but didn’t speak.

  He touched her toe lightly, cringing when she flinched. “I’m sorry about your toe.”

  She closed her eyes hard before sighing. Then her topaz orbs were open and on him. Tilting his head, he wondered what she saw, if anything. “You kissed me,” she bit out. “Then you left.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. I was wrong for leaving you the way I did, for not coming back until now.”

  Her shoulders sagged, but her jaw was still tight. “I don’t need your apology.”

  “Too bad, because you got it. And I’m not taking it back. Whether you forgive me is up to you.”

  She lifted her chin. “Why did you come?”

  “I couldn’t not come. I picked up some lunch. Figured we could go outside on the deck and eat.”

  Avery blinked and her mouth fell open before she clamped it shut. “Why?”

  He chuckled at the surprised look on her face. “Because I wanted to. Is there a problem?”

  “You left, El,” she repeated, this time without the ire. “I figured you didn’t want to be bothered with me. So...”

  “I just apologized and I’m here now. So...”

  She rolled her eyes, and he couldn’t help it. He laughed. When they were dating, she’d hated when he mimicked her that way.

  “Listen.” He brushed his fingers over her ankle. “We’ve had years to move past this, and neither of us has. That’s a conversation for another day, though. Today, I just want to eat Italian food and chill out with you. I know you’re hurting, and I just want to help you. Let me.”

  Her chin trembled, which had always proved to be his undoing. “Not if you’re going to kiss me again and then leave. I can’t take it.”

  That was the Avery he knew. Direct. “I promise I won’t kiss you and leave. Does this mean that you want me to kiss you and stay?”

  His attempt at humor was probably too much for the time and place, but she finally laughed. “I just want to feel better,” she said.

  “Well, let’s work on that.” He helped her to her feet, holding her so that she wasn’t putting her weight on her injured foot. “But before we go, I have one thing to say.”

  Resisting the urge to pull her closer and kiss her, he stepped back. El wondered if that feeling would ever go away.

  “What?” she asked.

  “I’m not trying to be funny, but you need to put a comb in that hair,” he whispered. “And shave those legs.”

  She giggled. “I hate you.”

  “Seriously? Stop being stubborn and get rid of that hot mess of a bun on your head.”

  Chapter 7

  Avery felt peace for the first time since her stroke. And she knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was because of El. Despite everything she’d done to ruin their friendship, their relationship, he’d still come to her aid. He’d made her laugh. Even though he made fun of my hair.

  “Have a seat,” El ordered softly.

  Avery felt behind her and gingerly sat down on the toilet. “El?”

  “Shh. Don’t ask any questions.”

  She wasn’t sure what El had in mind. He’d given Rosa the rest of the afternoon off, telling the nurse that he was taking care of Avery. Next, he’d called Jess and told her there was no need to stop by the house before she headed to the airport to pick up Phil and Jan.

  Finally, El had led her to the bathroom, promising to help her get herself together. He’d run the shower for her and stood on the other side of the curtain w
hile she washed.

  Once she was done, he’d handed her a towel and helped her out of the shower. Now she was sitting in her parents’ bathroom, wrapped in a towel, waiting for his next move.

  A moment later, she felt his fingers travel up her calf, over her knees, before his hands rested on her hips. Gasping, she gripped the arms of the chair he’d pulled into the bathroom and bit down on her bottom lip.

  In the background, she heard the water of the sink running. She opened her mouth to ask what he was getting ready to do, but clamped it shut when a hint of lavender wafted to her nose as he applied her cool shaving gel to her legs.

  “Oh, God,” she mumbled.

  His low chuckle seeped into her skin, straight to her core and she fought the urge to moan. She held on to the chair for dear life as he slowly shaved her legs.

  By the time he was finished, her skin felt like it was on fire, and she welcomed the feeling. It had been so long since Avery had been touched by a man so intimately. Three years, to be exact. But it felt good; she felt alive under his gentle caress.

  In that moment, Avery wished she could see El, read his thoughts in his eyes. She wondered if he was as affected as she.

  “El?” she managed to say, albeit on a shaky breath.

  “Avie.” He leaned into her, his forehead resting on her bosom. She resisted the urge to wrap her arms and her legs around him. The last thing she needed was the rejection of him pushing her away.

  So she waited. Until she couldn’t take it anymore. He was too close, too quiet. And she was breathing hard and loud. She gripped his shoulders. “El?” she called again.

  “Let’s get you dressed. You need to eat.”

  The warmth of his body disappeared when he stood, and she wanted to cry out in protest. But when he grabbed her hand, she took it and let him help her to her feet.

  Avery dressed quickly in the yoga pants and T-shirt that El had picked out for her. Soon she was seated beside him outside on the deck, enjoying the light spring breeze He’d brought lasagna, salad and breadsticks from her favorite local Italian restaurant.

  While they ate, Avery imagined El’s face. Eyes that she had lost herself in more times than she could count. They were warm pools of milk chocolate and, in that moment, she wished more than anything that she could see them, swim in the heat of his gaze.

  But the smell of him, the warmth of his body next to hers, was doing something to her. His presence had rained that sweet peace down on her, and she wanted to hold on to it for as long as she could.

  “Do you still have the convertible?” she asked.

  “No,” he answered softly. “Got rid of it when you left.”

  Sucking in a deep breath, she prayed his admission wouldn’t zap away the inner peace she’d felt a few seconds ago. Avery knew she’d hurt El, but he wasn’t the only one she’d hurt.

  For a while after she’d left, it felt like she’d ripped her own heart out of her chest. She’d picked up the phone several times to call him, to beg him to take her back. Avery had written letters, composed emails...but could never bring herself to send them.

  The truth was ugly. They’d become so close, so fast. Yet, in the end, she’d let it go. It was her biggest regret. Not only that she’d left, but that she’d let someone get into her head enough to make her doubt her worth.

  There was no secret that Avery’s family wasn’t rich. They weren’t poor, but they couldn’t afford to send her to college. Her father was older, retired. Both of her parents had been on a fixed income at the time. Avery had worked hard in school to earn as much scholarship money as she could.

  Despite being from the same town, she didn’t know any member of his family before meeting El. It wasn’t like they lived in the same neighborhood, or even on the same side of town. Although her middle-class neighborhood was considered one of the nicest on the east side of Ann Arbor, it was nothing compared to the massive home of Dr. Law, as everyone called El’s brother.

  The Jacksons went to charity balls and galas while the Montgomery family’s idea of fun was a movie or a trip to the Sleeping Bear Dunes above Lake Michigan or a picnic at Detroit’s Belle Isle.

  In all the years she and El were together, Dr. Law hadn’t had much to say to her. It was as if she wasn’t even a blip on his radar. It had never bothered her, though, because El didn’t spend a lot of time with his older brother. The two were so different, like night and day. It amazed Avery that they were even related.

  So when Dr. Law cornered her at the hospital one day during her fourth year of medical school, she was nervous, anxious. Turns out the slight anxiety was warranted. The older man had looked down on her, told her that it was time that she let El be the man he was groomed to be and let him go. Dr. Law had even gone so far as to offer to pay off her student debt if she left town and never returned.

  The memory of that conversation still made Avery sick to her stomach. And Dr. Law hadn’t stopped there. He’d basically told her she was beneath a man of El’s pedigree, that she simply wasn’t good enough to be a Jackson. Then he’d thrown in that El would never marry her, never consider her more than a bed warmer.

  Avery closed her eyes and willed her mind not to go there. She was having a good day so far. She didn’t need to travel that road again. But she’d already slid deep into those memories, including the way she’d felt, how belittled she’d been.

  Even so, she’d had no intention of giving up on El just because Dr. Law said so. She’d even dug in her heels and refused to give that man the satisfaction. Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the last time Dr. Law came to visit. Each visit left her feeling a little more unsure of her place in El’s life. So when the book deal and subsequent television option happened, she’d accepted it and made her decision to leave. Still, she couldn’t quite let El go, so they’d done the long-distance thing. But even miles away, Dr. Law’s words had continued to haunt her and finally she’d given in and broke up with El.

  “Where are you, Avie?” El asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

  Could she tell him the truth, finally? Would it change anything? Swallowing, she grumbled, “Just thinking about life.”

  “What about life?”

  Avery shrugged. “Thinking about my choices,” she lied.

  Since she’d arrived in town, she’d been thinking about how different life would have been had she stayed. But she’d also thought of how her choice to leave had led to something good. She now had the power and the money to help young girls who wanted to attend college but couldn’t see a way in.

  When she’d created The Preserves, she hadn’t expected it to become the phenomenon it was; she hadn’t expected the accolades, the offers, the opened doors. She hadn’t even realized she wanted those things. She still wasn’t sure if she did. But now that she was in this position, she wanted to do more, be better.

  “Before I had the stroke, I had set a plan in motion to finally start a foundation. Since I’ve been home from the hospital, I’ve been working a little on that.”

  Avery had finalized the mission statement, hired a website designer and started compiling the list of potential donors. She’d even come up with a few ideas for the fund-raising event she wanted to have in the next month or so.

  “Really?” El said. His voice sounded interested, but even that was El. “It’s about time.”

  Avery smiled at his enthusiasm. She’d drilled her dream of creating a nonprofit into his head for years. “When I was at the graduation, right before the ceremony started, one of the student speakers introduced herself to me.” Avery remembered the encounter fondly, the hope in the young woman’s eyes, the vision, the drive. “It was almost like looking into a mirror when I saw the determination on her face to be someone that changed the world.”

  “You’ve always had that determination, that fire.”

  She chuckled. “If I had more time, I would have tal
ked to her more, maybe invited her to come to my house in Atlanta. I wanted to hear her story. My original plan was to stay and talk to the students, but my manager added a trip to LA at the last minute. Therein lies the problem. The demands of my life, the travel, the work...it doesn’t really afford me time to do the things I know I’m supposed to be doing. Like paying it forward.”

  “Well, that’s something you can change. Maybe not right away, but with planning.”

  “I want to change it now. That’s why I’d scheduled a vacation. After LA, I was supposed to come back here and work on this foundation,” Avery told him. “Even now, knowing I can’t see, I keep thinking this is still the perfect opportunity. Right? Now I have even more time to devote to it. It’s not like I can travel for a while, or even write like I need to.”

  Avery’s doctors had instructed her to avoid traveling by air for at least six weeks. That was good and bad. Walter had done a good job of stalling the network executives who were still waiting to approve the scripts. Planning extended time off was a risk, one that she’d never even considered taking a week ago. A week off, or even two, was one thing. But sitting on the sidelines for six weeks felt like career suicide. In Hollywood, there was always someone waiting to take your spot. But now...she couldn’t help but wonder if it was worth her health to continue driving on all cylinders.

  “There will always be something that has the potential to come between you and your dreams,” El said, once again breaking her train of thought. “You just have to seize the moment to effect change.”

  “I have so many obligations,” she admitted softly.

  “But you’re sick, Avie. You had a stroke, you lost your vision. You need to unplug to heal. That’s important. You can’t be Avery Montgomery, show producer, writer, if you’re dead.”

  Avery thought about El’s comments. He was absolutely right. She’d run her body into the ground. It was time to make some changes. But...how?

  “Question,” El said.

  “Go ahead.”