Wherever You Are Read online

  “Then let’s go.”

  El led Avery down the stairs, and let Rosa and the security guard know that he was taking Avery out for much needed fresh air.

  Several minutes later, Avery was standing outside with El, arm in arm. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, and her fingertips brushed the glasses El had placed on her face before they walked out of the room. It felt strange to be out of the bed. Of course, she’d walked around the house with assistance, but this was different. She was actually outside, getting ready to walk through the neighborhood that had made her a household name.

  It was one of the more mature neighborhoods in the Ann Arbor, and there was a mixed population of people from different nationalities, races and cultures. There was a huge, active neighborhood association, but each street also had its own association. Community block parties and picnics were common occurrences growing up. Every year, they had a Fourth of July Extravaganza, a Halloween Prank Contest and a Battle of the Christmas Lights. And like every neighborhood, there was a fair share of drama, which had sparked her idea to write about her neighbors, their kids and their kids’ kids.

  “Where are we going?” she murmured.

  “I told you, for a walk. What I want you to do is just concentrate on the noise you hear. Try picking out specific sounds as we walk. Don’t worry about falling. I’ve got you.”

  Relaxing a little, she tried to let go of the thoughts swarming her mind. “I’m nervous.”

  “Don’t be. It’s going to be okay.”

  She tried to do as he’d instructed, listen to the things around her, but she found it hard to concentrate on anything. She wondered who was in their yard working or riding a bike through the neighborhood, if anyone would approach her. And she thought about the cologne El was wearing that day. He smelled delicious, like pears and wood. It wasn’t strong, but it definitely evoked feeling in her.

  “We’re going to step onto the porch,” he said.

  Stepping forward, she immediately registered the hard cement under her feet. It was cool against the soles of her ballerina flats. He turned her and she heard him greet someone before he led her forward.

  When a loud horn blared, she jumped. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “I’ve got you.”

  “You better,” she muttered with a soft giggle. “Don’t let me fall.”

  He chuckled. “Never.”

  The sound of a lawnmower in the distance reached her ears. As they walked, El whispered things to her about their surroundings, things that she remembered from the last time she’d been to her parents’ neighborhood for the family funeral months ago.

  “Doesn’t sound like much has changed,” she told him.

  “Not really. They are building an organic food grocery store around the corner, though.”

  “Mom told me about that. I’ll have to make sure I incorporate some of these changes into the show.”

  “Yeah, get right on that.”

  Avery noticed the tension in his voice when she mentioned her show. She wanted to ask him about it, but thought better of it, preferring to keep the conversation positive.

  As they moved down the street in silence, she thought about the times he’d come to her house to visit during breaks. They’d spent many days and nights there together when they were dating, talking and hanging out at the neighborhood park.

  El was three years older and had a wealth of experience compared to her. She’d been a sheltered daughter of older parents. Before she’d enrolled at the university, she’d rarely spent the night away from her parents. Except when she’d visited Jess, and even that wasn’t much. She’d always preferred Jess to come to her house. Jess preferred it that way, as well, because her mother worked a lot and she hated being in their apartment alone.

  Avery heard a piano playing and grinned. Mr. Maddox was still at it. One of her neighbors was a jazz musician and woke up every morning to practice his piano with the windows wide open. She remembered lying out on the grass while he gave mini-concerts on warm summer nights.

  The neighborhood was pretty self-sufficient, as well. When she was growing up, there had been a community garden, a pool and even a corner store owned by Old Man Johnson. It had been a sad day when he died. He’d been like a great-uncle to the neighborhood kids. Everyone was devastated when a heart attack took him away from them.

  “Is the haunted house on the corner still there?” she asked. “Mom told me someone had expressed interest in buying it.”

  “It is,” El told her. “Still there and still as ugly as it ever was.”

  The haunted house she was referring to once belonged to the Connor family. Rumor had it that Mr. Connor had committed a heinous crime and buried bodies in the yard. For years, it was the only house in the neighborhood that was unkempt. Her parents had complained to the neighborhood association and even the city, but nothing was ever done. Avery remembered Halloweens when she and her friends scared themselves with stories about ghosts and murder in the Connor house while camping out in her backyard.

  Avery felt a soft breeze in her face and she sighed. It felt good to be outside, and she was glad El had made her get off her ass and take a walk. The smell of grass and wind and flowers soothed her spirit, and for the first time, she realized she wasn’t obsessing over the loss of her sight or what her next steps would be.

  Before she knew it, she was smiling. She heard the sound of a basketball hitting pavement. Taking in a deep breath, she sighed. “We’re at the park,” she said.

  “Yes,” he told her.

  After a few more steps he directed her to take a seat. Once she felt the hard wood against her behind she slumped back. The water from the fountain her father had donated was like music to her ears. An overwhelming peace enveloped her as she breathed in the air.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “For what?”

  Avery felt El next to her, his shoulder touching hers. She felt the urge to lean into him, so she did. “For bringing me here.”

  “It’s a special place.”

  The Congress Neighborhood Park had been commissioned by the neighborhood association, a group founded by her mother years ago. The goal was to provide a safe place for the residents and their children. There was a basketball court, a kickball field and a pavilion available for gatherings. The fountain was on the south side of the park, nestled between a gazebo and the community garden. Even now, after she’d traveled to some of the greatest landmarks in the world, the park topped her list of favorite places. She had often stolen away to the park to study or write. It was also there that El had told her he loved her the first time.

  “That it is,” she agreed. “I’m glad you brought me here.”

  “Avery, I...”

  So, I’m back to Avery again. She tried to steel herself for what was going to come next. “Just say it, El. Is this about my sight? Did the doctors tell you anything? Is that why you’re really here?”

  Of course she knew the doctors shouldn’t disclose her personal health information to El, but she also knew how it worked there. He was one of their own and she figured there were plenty of staff who would tell him what he wanted to know.

  “No. Your doctors haven’t told me anything. Listen,” She felt him shift and then felt the hard point of his knee against hers. He picked up her hand. “I know you know the medicine involved, the prognosis for someone with your symptoms.”

  “I know.” Her shoulders fell.

  “But you also know the power of negativity, and how important it is to be positive. You can still get your sight back. In the meantime, though, you have to try to find ways of dealing with the loss of your vision. You can do that by honing in on your other senses, appreciating things like the morning air, the smell of coffee in the morning, the sound of the trees swaying in the wind. Those are things you can tap into when you’re feeling anxious.”

 
“I hear you, but I keep wondering...why me?”

  “Stress. More and more younger people—women—are having strokes, Avery. And it’s because of stress. You’re doing too much, not taking care of yourself. I bet you don’t sleep or eat like you should.”

  Avery let out a humorless chuckle. “You do know me well.” Truth was, Avery rarely slept. Most nights, she was up writing until the wee hours of the morning. She was lucky if she got four hours of sleep every night. Luke already had to slip food in her laptop bag, or send her food to the studio.

  His fingertips brushed her cheek and he turned her head. “Your life isn’t over.”

  “This is hard. I’ve tried to think this through, to come up with a plan. But mostly I feel empty. Like someone took a knife and hollowed me out like a pumpkin.” She let her head fall back so the sun could warm her face.

  Avery had been through some crazy shit in her life. She had to admit that a lot of that stuff occurred after she’d left Michigan and El. But she’d managed to survive, to make it, even if it was by a thin string. But this...

  “Avie, you’re still you. Still smart, still driven, still beautiful.”

  “El.” Tears filled her eyes as his finger brushed over her lips. “I don’t feel...”

  When she felt his breath against her lips, smelled the faint scent of coffee on it, she couldn’t finish her sentence, let alone gather her thoughts. What had she been going to say again?

  “Avie, you are beautiful.”

  That’s it. That was what she was going to say, that she didn’t feel beautiful. El used to be able to finish her sentences. She guessed he still had that talent because he’d seemingly read her mind.

  Her lips parted and she leaned closer. When she felt his hand cradle her face, her eyes fluttered closed. Oh, my. Holding his wrists to keep his hands in place, she sucked in a deep breath, anticipated his next move.

  “You’re here, what? A week, and I can’t think about anything else,” he said against her mouth.

  Avery felt his tongue streak across her bottom lip and dug her fingernails into his skin. “I know the feeling.”

  And she did. Except it had felt like that every day, even before she’d stepped foot in Ann Arbor. There was no rhyme or reason. It just was. He was in her heart, running through her mind constantly. It was almost like he haunted her. And she was okay with it because it had been her only connection to him for years.

  “You do?” His lips brushed over the corners of her mouth, and she groaned.

  “Yes,” she admitted, the word sounding more like a breathy sigh.

  “Avie?”

  Her name on his lips made her heart quiver with desire. “Hmm?”

  Then, his mouth was over hers. In that moment, she didn’t care where she was. She didn’t even care that she couldn’t see him. Just the feel of his lips against hers, the lure of his breath mingling with hers was enough. She relaxed into him, reveling in him.

  El had always been a good kisser. A phenomenal one, in fact. A kiss was never just mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue. A kiss from El had always been a full body event.

  And this... Damn. This was no exception. It wasn’t a feel better kiss. It wasn’t even a feel sorry kiss. It was the type of kiss she wrote about, waxed poetic about in her scripts. He kissed her like his very salvation was dependent on her lips. El sucked on her bottom lip before trailing a line of kisses over her jawbone and then back up to her mouth. He nipped at her, slid his tongue against hers until her limbs felt weak.

  “Avie,” he murmured against her neck.

  His hands felt so good against her body, his fingers feather soft against her arms, her neck, her face. He pulled her to him, taking her mouth in his again, drawing a low, almost guttural moan from her throat.

  The sound of laughter coming from behind her broke through the haze of desire that had gripped her, and the warmth she’d felt only seconds earlier was replaced by the cold breeze against her flaming skin. Immediately she hugged herself, willing her heart to stop beating so fast and so hard.

  El spoke to the person who’d interrupted a moment that she could only describe as nirvana. For those few glorious minutes, she’d felt happy.

  “Let’s go,” he said, once again jarring her from her thoughts. “I better get you back.”

  Disappointed, she simply nodded and allowed him to escort her back to her parents’ house.

  Chapter 6

  What the hell was I thinking?

  It had been a few days since he’d kissed Avery silly in the park. And El had asked himself that same question several times since then. There were no answers, though. He made a living helping people figure things out. But for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why he’d opened that door. A door that he’d thought was firmly shut a long time ago.

  It frustrated him that he hadn’t been able to control himself. Being with her, sitting on the same bench where he’d confessed his love all those years ago had gotten to him. And to see her reaction to being there, the way she smiled and breathed in their space, did things to him, propelled him forward.

  Her mouth. Yes, that’s what it was. He’d missed her mouth, those full lips. He’d even missed the tiny mole on her upper lip, the one she hated and tried to hide all the time.

  Obviously, he’d underestimated the power she held over him. El didn’t want to obsess over her smile, those eyes that had always been windows to her soul. Yet he’d found himself lying awake at night, tormented by visions of her, dreaming of kissing her until she begged him to... Shit.

  El rubbed his head, frustration rolling off him in waves. He didn’t want to want her. Hell, he didn’t want to feel anything for her. But he did, and that made him angry.

  Avery had always fascinated him, made him feel things that seemed to overtake his common sense. And he’d certainly lost all sense when he’d pulled her into that kiss.

  After a second night of tossing and turning, El found himself at work in the emergency room. He’d tried everything he could think of to go to sleep, including reading a romance novel. Nothing worked. And it was his own fault. He was the one who’d messed up, who’d disrupted his own sleep pattern with his antics. Because he’d kissed her. Then he’d walked her back into her parents’ house and left without another word.

  It was a quiet night in the ER, but El had a steady flow of patients. Since Drake was also at work, during a break, they headed to the cafeteria for coffee.

  “You doing alright?” Drake asked after he took a sip of his black coffee. “You seem distracted, which is not like you.”

  El shrugged. “I’m fine.”

  Drake eyed him as if he knew he was lying, but didn’t call him on it. “Have you seen Avery?”

  Every part of him wanted to talk to Drake about the Avery situation. But he wasn’t sure it was wise to say anything aloud. Drake didn’t need to know that El had kissed Avery.

  For all intents and purposes, Avery wasn’t his responsibility anymore. They’d broken up a long time ago. She shouldn’t be clouding his mind, gripping his heart with her fist. Hell, he’d counseled patients on knowing when to let go of old relationships, so he should know better.

  He didn’t.

  “I went to see her today,” Drake continued. “Left her about an hour ago.”

  “How is she? Has she had any improvement?”

  El didn’t know why he’d even asked. He knew how she was. He’d checked in on her progress with her doctors and Jess. He just couldn’t bring himself to go see her again. Not after I kissed the hell out of her.

  Drake shook his head. “Not really. Her blood pressure has remained stable since she was released, but her sight still hasn’t returned.”

  El knew that didn’t bode well for her long-term prognosis, and he couldn’t face her because of it. And that kiss. He was a coward, plain and simple. He knew beyond a shadow of a
doubt that he wouldn’t be able to take that look in her eyes, the look of despair he was sure would be shining in her jewel-toned orbs when he saw her. Especially after he’d implored her to be positive.

  “According to Jess, she hasn’t really slept, though. Yesterday, she broke her toe when she attempted to go to the bathroom without assistance.”

  Guilt welled up in El. Was he the reason she couldn’t sleep?

  “She had been working a little, though,” Drake added. “On her foundation. Then she had a setback today.”

  “Is Jess still staying with her?” El asked.

  Drake nodded. “You know she is. Apparently, her parents return from their trip today, which is good. She could use the extra support.”

  El nodded. Avery’s parents would have been right by her side if they were in town. He knew there had to be a good reason they weren’t. “And her sisters?”

  “Jess didn’t say.” Drake frowned. “I’m guessing they’re still at odds.”

  Avery hadn’t spoken with her sisters in years. It had a lot to do with how they’d treated her all of her life. They’d never even tried to have a relationship with Avery, and had pretty much acted like she didn’t exist.

  “El, I’m not trying to start something, but...”

  “I kissed her,” El blurted out. “That’s why I haven’t been back to see her.”

  Drake’s eyes widened. “You kissed her? When?”

  El told Drake the entire story, starting from his visit to their walk to the kiss and finally to how he’d walked away and didn’t go back.

  “That was a jerk move,” Drake said.

  El couldn’t argue with that. Not only was he a selfish jerk, he was an asshole. “You’re right, I messed up by kissing her. Then, I purposely stayed away because I’m having a hard time dealing with my actions that day in the park.

  “After everything, I don’t know why I did it. But the mere fact that I did is making me feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to hand Avery any more power over me than she already has.”

  “So you’re running?”

  “I wouldn’t call it that.” Out loud. Smiling at a passing nurse, El started toward his office.