Wherever You Are Page 5

  Letting out a shaky breath, she said, “I need you to help me help her.”

  El closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “I don’t think—”

  “El, please.” Jess tugged at his hand until he opened his eyes. “Please. You can get through to her. She’s so scared.”

  “Well, she’s suffered a trauma, Jess. That’s normal.”

  “You know as well as I do that Avery is used to being the one in control. She doesn’t do well with fear. I know she hurt you, but you have to know that it was the fear talking.”

  El met Jess’s gaze, but he didn’t respond. Yes, Avery had lashed out, but he wasn’t hurt. Irritated, yes. Hurt, no. “That’s not true. That little tiff in the hospital room was expected. I wasn’t hurt.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.”

  “Jess, this is not up for discussion. Avery was not scared when she ended things with me.”

  El tried to rein in his anger, shake the ice out of his veins. Even now, the thought of that day, the hour, the very minute she’d broken up with him, made him cold.

  Avery had ripped him to shreds when she’d left with the flimsiest of explanations. When she’d told him that an agent wanted to represent her to sell her book, he’d been happy for her. When she’d told him that said agent had sold her book at auction for a six-figure advance, he’d been elated. When she’d explained that she needed to drop out of medical school, he’d supported her. Even when she’d mentioned living in Atlanta, he was good with it, knowing he’d move heaven and earth to make it work.

  And for a while it did. They’d visited each other on weekends, called each other every night. Then something changed and suddenly their long-distance relationship hadn’t worked for her anymore. He hadn’t worked for her anymore.

  Then “Hollywood” came calling and it was over. It hadn’t mattered how many answers he’d demanded, how willing he’d been to try—she’d shut him down. Years had passed, and he’d obviously never recovered because she was here and he was right back in his feelings again. That pissed him off, which was why he was hesitant to go see her now.

  Jess took a sip from her cup. “I know the history. I know that things didn’t end well, but you don’t know everything, El. There was more at play than she told you back then.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Jess.”

  “It will when you know the truth.”

  El wanted to ask more, but knew Jess wouldn’t share Avery’s secrets with him.

  “Listen, she needs you,” Jess said. “More than that, she wants you there. She won’t say it, and gosh, I shouldn’t have even told you what I did. I feel like it’s a betrayal. But I’ll do anything for her.”

  El’s anger deflated at the look of desperation on Jess’s face. “You know I won’t say anything to her about this conversation, Jess.”

  “I know you won’t.”

  “But I am wondering why you’re asking me to help her if you feel like it’s a betrayal.”

  “Because if my guess is correct, there’s still love there. You don’t like seeing her like this any more than me.”

  He received a page at that point. Glancing down at the device, he frowned. “I have to go, Jess.”

  He stood, but she grabbed his wrist. “Think about what I’ve said. Please?”

  El glanced down at Jess. There were a few people milling around the halls outside the family room they were in. It was shift change, and groups of employees were leaving as others were making their way to work.

  “I’ll think about it. There’s a lot you don’t know, Jess.” Starting with the turmoil Avery’s leaving had thrust him into.

  El was no stranger to women trying to use him. He was a Jackson, after all. He’d been born with status because of his last name. Women had been drawn to him because of it. They’d been bold in their intentions, too, coming up with all types of schemes to trap him. In high school, one girl had tried to pin another man’s baby on him. During his freshman year in college, he’d caught a woman stealing from him.

  El wasn’t like his older brother, Lawrence. From childhood, he’d tried to look at people through a clear lens and not let his past experiences keep him from seeing the best in people. But one too many scams, too many disingenuous women had taken their toll and almost hardened his heart. Until that day in the Michigan Union.

  Avery had been different. She hadn’t cared about his last name or his wallet. Her parents had never traveled in his family’s circles, and Avery hadn’t been interested in community status or the Jacksons of Ann Arbor. And he’d let her in, let himself fall for her brown skin and topaz eyes. And when she’d left him to pursue her career...when she’d walked away without even giving him a chance to give her the ring he’d purchased—and the promise he’d wanted to give her—he was devastated. It had taken months to work through it. Did he really want to jump back in headfirst?

  “Trust me when I say that I don’t need to know,” Jess said. “It doesn’t matter anyway. There’s one thing I’ve learned through my own situation and that’s time is precious. We could be sitting here talking about Avery’s funeral.”

  El clenched her hand, jarred by the feeling that assaulted him at Jess’s words. “Avery” and “funeral” were two words that didn’t belong together in a sentence. Just the thought of it made him sick to his stomach.

  “Jess, don’t do that.”

  “It’s true.” She stood. “It was a very real possibility and you know that. I’ve lost too much already, and I can’t lose Avery. She means so much to me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. She saved my life, and I’m returning the favor. If that means I have to beg you to be present, I will.”

  El snickered. “You do realize that Avery has to want to fight. What makes you think I can do anything to help? As you said, there is history, water under the bridge. My presence could hurt her recovery.”

  He didn’t really believe that. It was an excuse, just like so many he’d come up with over the last several hours. Essentially, Jess hadn’t said anything that was untrue. Helping people cope was what he did for a living. Helping people adjust to health calamities like Avery’s was what he’d built his practice on. So why was he so hesitant to give her, someone he cared for deeply, the care that he’d give a stranger? One reason was that being close to her, seeing her, was trouble for him. Trouble that he didn’t want or need at that point in his life.

  When his pager buzzed again, he smiled at Jess. “I have to get to the floor. We’ll talk later, but think about what I said.”

  Chapter 5

  “Good morning, Ms. Montgomery.” Avery turned toward the voice of her home care nurse, Rosa.

  Avery had been awake for hours, unable to sleep. She’d been released from the hospital, after spending several days there. Once her blood pressure had stabilized, she’d managed to convince her doctors that she was fine to go home. They’d granted her request, on the condition that she hire a private duty healthcare staff to take over care. Instead of returning to the hotel, even though she’d never technically checked out, she’d decided to go to her family home to recuperate. The reason was two-fold—it was more comfortable and private.

  Although the thought of having a nurse come into her space was frustrating, it was better than top-of-the-hour visits from nurses wanting to check her vitals and doctors arriving at the crack of dawn for rounds. One thing was certain, the hospital was not for the weak of heart, and Avery was grateful to be in the warmth of her childhood home. With only a few people allowed to visit aside from Jess, Rosa and the Personal Support Assistant she’d hired, it had been quiet.

  “Morning, Rosa,” she grumbled.

  Rosa had been introduced to her when she was discharged two days ago and was a lovely person, patient and kind. Avery sensed she was in her mid-to-late fifties but wouldn’t dare ask. Her mother once told her never to a
sk a lady her age, and that tip had stuck with her.

  “It’s a beautiful day,” Rosa announced before placing cool fingers against the radial artery on Avery’s wrist to take a pulse. “I can take you for a walk if you’d like.”

  Avery didn’t want to go for a walk, because the thought of being outside worried her. There were many reasons to stay indoors, one being her high profile. She didn’t want to take the chance of anyone spotting her taking a stroll, or someone snapping pictures of her and selling them to the highest bidder for a baseless story in the blogs or on social media.

  Although she wasn’t a vain person or overly concerned about her looks, she didn’t want to be the next “hot mess” headline. Despite her celebrity status, Avery had tried to stay out of the spotlight. Normally, she was incognito enough to avoid reporters. Yet, the last several months, she’d been in and out of the gossip magazines because of a few explosive cast changes and a purported link between herself and one of the male cast members.

  The alleged relationship between her and Blair Wallace had blown up because one of the paparazzi snapped a pic of her and him at a restaurant. The meal had been innocent, but that didn’t stop the hashtags, Instagram commentary and gossip about “BlaiVery.”

  If word got out about her illness, she had no doubt Ann Arbor would be a prime destination for paparazzi.

  “I don’t want to go outside, Rosa.” Avery sighed heavily. “I’m fine here.”

  Avery had told herself that she would at least try to get some work done once she was released from the hospital. So far, though, she hadn’t been motivated to do anything but listen to the news.

  “Your vitals look good,” Rosa continued. “Have you had any improvements with your vision?”

  Since she’d regained consciousness in the hospital, Avery had prayed, pleaded, bargained with God to restore her vision. To no avail. “No,” she answered.

  “I’m sorry, hun.”

  Avery heard Rosa scribbling on something. Writing. Like Avery needed to be doing at that very moment. The network had called numerous times, according to Jess. Her friend had stalled for time at Avery’s request. But soon they’d grow impatient. What would she do then?

  “Did you need anything?” the nurse asked. “I can bring you some breakfast. I wasn’t sure what you had in your refrigerator, so I brought several things from the hospital to eat.”

  Food was the last thing Avery wanted, but that wasn’t what the nurse wanted to hear, so she told her, “Maybe in a little while. Thank you.”

  “Try to get some rest,” Rosa told her. “I’ll be right downstairs if you need anything.”

  Avery wanted to roll her eyes and scream that she couldn’t rest. Not when she couldn’t figure out her life. Not when she felt so damn vulnerable behind the veil of darkness that had become her world. Instead, though, she said, “I’ll try.”

  When she heard the door close, she squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again, stupidly hoping something would have changed. Nothing. Using her fingertips, she patted the bed for the television remote control Jess had left with her and pushed the Power button. The sound of the television filled the room, and she recognized the voice of one of Detroit’s popular news anchors.

  She listened as the woman went over the local news before she was joined by the weatherman. Partly sunny, high of seventy-eight degrees. One of those perfect spring days that she used to love as a kid.

  There was something about springtime that usually gave her new hope. But instead of feeling that same hope that had gotten her through many tough moments, she felt nothing. Would she always feel that way?

  Avery wasn’t dumb. She knew it wasn’t the end of the world. Many people were blind and lived fulfilling lives. They enjoyed movies, walks in the park, Broadway shows and reading. Technology was such that she could buy a gadget that identified the colors of the clothes in her closets. She didn’t have to drive. Hell, she barely drove now. She enjoyed having a driver take her where she needed to go. It wasn’t like she couldn’t still travel or speak to large crowds. But damn...what would happen to her career?

  There were people who would chew her up and spit her out if they found out about her illness, her vulnerability. Some of those people were supposedly on her team. Avery knew it was coming, someone was going to find out that she was blind and try to steal her life, take over the show she’d created.

  Briefly she’d considered asking Luke to return early from his vacation, but ultimately decided against it. He’d worked hard and deserved the time off. Jess had stepped in in his absence, and promised to do her best to make sure no one found out the extent of Avery’s illness. But Jess couldn’t control the craziness of sneaky paparazzi.

  Avery was a realist. It was highly unlikely they could keep her condition under wraps for an extended period of time, or even her location. For a few more days, maybe, but not any longer than that. When she’d left the hospital, they’d snuck her out and used a decoy “Avery” to go back to the hotel to throw off lingering reporters.

  It was up to Avery to get through this and still be who she was. As frightening as it was, she had to find a way to move forward. And hope that God heard her prayers. In the meantime, her agent Walter had arranged a press release that gave little information on the extent of her sickness, but would appease the masses for a while.

  Rosa called up to her from downstairs to announce that she had a visitor—a Dr. Jackson. Avery gave the okay to send him up. Drake had already called and told her he would be by to see her.

  “Hey.”

  It was El, though. Avery closed her eyes and let the low timbre of El’s voice sweep through her body. He came. “Hi.”

  The sound of a chair scraping against the floor drew her attention toward her right. “How are you?”

  He was closer now, most likely sitting next to the bed. “How do you think?” She didn’t mean it to come out so bitchy. “I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated.”

  “It’s okay.” He chuckled. “You’re allowed. I figured it was time I come by and check on you. Where’s Jess?”

  Avery had insisted her friend go back to work, at least for a few hours a day. With Rosa there with her, and her parents returning from their trip soon, Avery wanted her friend to get back to her life. Once Jess had left that morning for her first day back to work, though, Avery had immediately regretted it. Yes, the home healthcare staff was there and her security was posted in her parents’ living room, but it wasn’t the same. The loss of someone friendly and familiar near her made her feel alone and lonely, as cliché as it sounded.

  After she filled him in on Jess’s whereabouts, she said, “I wasn’t sure you’d come over to see me.”

  “What can I say? I couldn’t stay away.”

  El’s confession made her senses sing. “Thank you. I’m sorry.” The apology was long overdue, but she needed to say it. “You didn’t deserve the way I treated you when you were just trying to help me.”

  She felt the warmth of his palm over her hand. “No need to apologize for that, Avery. It’s okay.”

  Avery nodded, twisted her finger in her sheet. “El, I feel myself falling down a bottomless pit of pain and anxiety. If I could just...” She let out a long sigh, then shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”

  “It does matter how you feel.”

  She snorted. “Are you saying that as El, the psychiatrist?” Avery wasn’t sure how he was supposed to answer that question. What else would he be to her? It wasn’t like they were friends. Which is precisely the reason visiting Ann Arbor was so hard for her. Being near him, even for one second, had her galloping full speed ahead with visions of them rekindling at least a friendship.

  Avery wanted to tell him the truth, confess to him the real reason she’d walked away from him.

  El squeezed her hand. “I’m saying that because it’s true. How you feel matters.”


  “How do you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Act like everything is okay all the time. Even though you and I both know it’s not.”

  “Occupational hazard,” he said with a laugh. “Let’s go.”

  Surprised, Avery frowned. “What? Where are we going?”

  “For a walk.”

  “I don’t think that is a good idea, El. I don’t want anyone to know I’m blind.”

  “The hospital has not disclosed any details on your condition to the media, Avie. You know that. No one knows anything at this point. And there weren’t any suspicious people milling in the neighborhood when got here.”

  Avery warmed at the fact that he’d called her by her nickname. He was the only one who’d ever called her Avie. It was his thing, and she’d always felt safe when he’d said it. Today was no exception.

  Swallowing past a lump that had formed in her throat, she croaked, “Yeah, but... You said it yourself—at this point, I don’t expect my whereabouts to remain a secret much longer. Besides, I must look crazy right now. I just don’t want to give the gossips anything to talk about. I’m glad that you came to see me, but—”

  “Avie, stop.”

  Avery clamped her mouth shut. She let her head drift toward his voice. “Please,” she managed to say. “Don’t make me go outside. I’m...”

  Her voice sounded foreign, even to her own ears. The word “scared” was on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t want to give it any power to take over her life.

  His hand on her arm soothed her fraying nerves. His touch was almost healing, and she wanted to snuggle against him, wrap herself up in him.

  “I’m walking with you.” He squeezed her arm, and helped her out of the bed. “Do you really think I’d let anything happen to you?”

  Avery found herself shaking her head. “No,” she whispered.