It's Always Been You Read online

  He shook his head. “No, I’m good. I ate at the hospital.”

  It wasn’t like Drake to turn down food. Especially food she made. He loved her cooking. It had been a busy week for them, and they’d barely seen each other. All week Drake had been acting distant, too. She couldn’t figure out why, though. Part of her worried that he’d reconsidered everything. When she’d asked him, he told her he was just tired. She’d known him long enough to know when he wasn’t being entirely truthful, which concerned her, because he’d never lied to her before.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine, Love.” He stood up. “I’m going to take a shower.”

  The next morning, Love woke up to an empty bed. Drake had withdrawn the night before and it really concerned her.

  She walked downstairs, hoping to find him in the kitchen or the living room. No Drake. Just then, she heard the front door open.

  Drake rushed in with a cup of coffee. When he spotted her, he shot her a stiff smile.

  “Hey,” he said, dropping his keys on the table. “What are you doing up so early?”

  Love shrugged. “I was looking for you. Where’d you go?”

  “I went to the hospital to check on a patient.”

  Love couldn’t tell if he was lying about the patient, but something was definitely wrong. “Do you have to go back?”

  “Not for a couple hours. I came back to get some sleep.”

  Love stretched and walked over to Drake. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she kissed him. “Want to watch TV or do me?”

  Drake smirked. “I’d love to do you, but I’m going to choose sleep.” He smacked her lightly on her butt, and disappeared up the stairs.

  Sleep wasn’t even an option. A feeling of dread took over as she wondered what had happened to Drake to pull away from her.

  Later on, Love stuffed Drake’s tuxedo pants in a bag. She’d decided to take his suit to the cleaners when she took her dress. He’d already left for his afternoon shift.

  She racked her brain trying to think about everything that happened at the ball. But nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She was tempted to talk to El. Maybe he’d be able to shed some light on things. But she didn’t want to involve anyone else. Her mother had once told her not to bring other people into her relationships. Whatever happened between her and Drake was between them.

  Shaking her head to clear her mind, she checked the pockets and heard the crinkle of paper from the inside pocket. She pulled an envelope out and noted the return address: Johns Hopkins. The urge to open the envelope reared its ugly head. Love wasn’t the type to spy on her man.

  She reasoned with herself about it. Drake had been acting strange, ever since they’d left the fund-raising event. She was taking his tuxedo to the cleaner and the letter happened to be in his pocket.

  Giving in to temptation, she pulled out the contents and scanned them. Her heart dropped. Swallowing hard, she read the letter again.

  Johns Hopkins?

  She didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but her father’s words came to mind.

  Last I checked, Drake was looking for a career, not a wife.

  Love choked back a sob. Had her dad been right all along? Drake had been there, fully vested in their relationship...until the acceptance letter arrived.

  You are fundamentally different people. This marriage will be over before it starts.

  Pressing a hand against her throat, she considered calling Drake, confronting him with the evidence that he’d lied to her. Except he didn’t lie, he’d omitted.

  Mark my words, you’ll end up heartbroken when he wakes up one morning and realizes he wants more.

  Her father’s words still stung, because Love had known it was a possibility, even then. But she’d chosen to believe Drake when he said he wanted to be with her, that he loved her.

  Love stuffed the letter back in the envelope and set it on Drake’s pillow. He’d see it when he got home and have no choice but to mention it. She heard the door shut downstairs and figured the conversation was going to happen sooner rather than later.

  When Drake entered the room, she asked him, “What are you doing back so soon?”

  “I forgot I don’t have a lecture this morning. I figured I chill out with you for a while.” He walked over to her, leaned in and kissed her. “Want to get some lunch?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  Frowning, he asked, “Are you okay?”

  “I was... I was going to take your tux to the cleaners.” She picked up the envelope from his pillow and held it out. “This was in the pocket.”

  Drake lowered his gaze.

  “Were you going to tell me that you got accepted to Johns Hopkins? Or were you just going to leave without telling me?”

  Sighing, he sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s not what you think.”

  “Isn’t it? You’ve been distant. And then I see this. What am I supposed to think? I’ve been asking you for days if everything is all right. You’ve been lying to me for days. I thought we were working toward something here.”

  “Love, I was going to tell you.”

  “After you accepted the offer?”

  “I haven’t accepted the offer. I’m not going to.”

  “Why? You’ve wanted this for years. Why wouldn’t you take it?”

  “Because... I love you. I’m not going to just leave.”

  “But you considered it.”

  “Of course I did. It’s Johns Hopkins.”

  “Take it.”

  His eyes widened. “Love, I’m not taking it.”

  “Please do.”

  The fact that the minute she read the letter, she’d immediately thought the worst about Drake didn’t sit right with her. It was indicative of a greater problem. Lack of trust. She’d been burned before, and she didn’t want to get hurt again.

  “Don’t do this,” he said. “Don’t push me away because you’re scared.”

  “I don’t know why I thought we could do this, Drake. All I know is if we continue, I might wind up hating you. It’s bad enough that because of me you’re turning down a job you’ve always wanted. And I’m not willing to do another long-distance relationship. Bottom line, my dad was right. We want different things. It’s good that we know that now.”

  “What?” Drake jumped up, staggered back a few steps. “I can’t even believe you’re going to use your dad’s words against me. I’m not that guy. I’m not him. I would never hurt you.”

  “You wouldn’t try. And I love you for that. But I think it’s best we end this now, before we ruin each other.” Love walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

  Drake pounded on it. “Love.”

  He kept knocking, calling her name, begging her to talk to him. But Love just leaned against the panel and cried silently.

  * * *

  Drake knocked on the door, waited until he heard “come in” before opening it.

  Dr. Leon was seated at his desk. “Drake. What brings you here?”

  “I wanted to believe that you’d get over it, that you’d accept me.” Drake paced the office. After Love had barricaded herself in the bathroom, he’d stormed out and driven around, turning everything over in his mind.

  It was curious timing, receiving the acceptance letter from Johns Hopkins. Almost too coincidental. Then it made sense. His own father hand-delivered the letter, the same day Love’s father apologized and asked for forgiveness...? A call to the admissions office confirmed his suspicions. His father had worked with hers, sending over glowing recommendations to their friends at Johns Hopkins, calling in a few favors, and voila!

  Drake had just left his dad. He’d yelled at him, not just about this, but about everything that he’d ever done to hurt him. And like
every other time his father felt like his back was against the wall, he’d responded in kind. It had been a waste of time, talking to someone who didn’t know how to listen. Instead of arguing with him any longer, Drake had walked away and now he found himself staring at the man that he’d thought was better than his father.

  “I don’t know what problem you have with me, but I would have never hurt your daughter. I love her too much. I wanted a life with her, and I was willing to give that fellowship up for her. But I guess I should congratulate you. Because of your interference, your manipulations, she ended it. You got your wish. Your daughter will not be married to me much longer. Maybe she can take that asshole Derrick back so he can cheat on her again.”

  “Drake,” Dr. Leon said.

  “No, you don’t have to say anything. I’m going to Baltimore. Love made the decision for me. You’re happy, huh?”

  “Drake—”

  “Tell me something.” Drake hung his head, took a deep breath and faced Dr. Leon. “When did you start hating me so much? What did I ever do to you? I thought we were better than that. You were more important to me than my own father.”

  “I don’t hate you.”

  “Then what is it?” Drake threw his arms out in frustration. “Why?”

  “You were right. Love was right. I look at you and I see myself. And my protective instincts kicked in. I didn’t want my daughter to fall in love with someone like me.”

  Drake let out a strained snicker.

  “It doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, son. I do. I still think this may be the best thing for both of you. This way you can follow your dream. You worked hard for it.”

  His dream. Yes, he had dreamed of a Johns Hopkins fellowship, followed by a prolific career. But now a woman dominated his dreams. And his every thought.

  “Great,” he said with no emotion in his tone. “Just so you know, though. None of that matters to me.”

  Chapter 18

  Love was miserable, and it was all her fault. She’d been so scared of being hurt that she’d hurt herself in the process. Drake had told her that he wasn’t going to take the job, had begged her to listen to him, but no... She couldn’t hear him past the roaring in her brain. The truth was she’d been happier with Drake, as his wife, than she’d ever been in her life. It was like she’d been looking through a peephole for her entire life, but when he kissed her, when he loved her, it was like he’d opened up the window to her soul. Who knew that her best friend would be the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with?

  Then she had to go and mess it up. She’d sent Drake packing when it was the last thing she wanted to do. The worst part? He’d actually left, walked out of her life.

  Love had always made fun of silly women who took to bed after a breakup. She’d thought that would never be her, until it was. Dr. Lovely Grace Washington was licking her wounds, eating cookies and ice cream bars and potato chips—and nothing else. All junk food, all day. The last time she’d looked at herself in the mirror, her hair was a mass of naps on her head, she had chocolate on the corner of her mouth and crud in her eyes. That was yesterday. She could only imagine what she looked like today.

  She’d tried to rationalize it. Drake was her longest friend; they’d cut their teeth together. She had every right to mourn the end of their relationship, especially since it could also be the end of the friendship. Love complicated things. Love sucks. Pun intended.

  It had been three days and his smell still lingered on her pillow, the soft scent of wood and leather. She burrowed her nose into the cotton and closed her eyes. It was distinctively Drake and one whiff made her feel safe and secure, like he always had.

  Being with Drake, being loved by him, was like a Pandora’s box. She’d let him into places she didn’t realize she had. He’d opened up a part of her that was under lock and key. It was magical and terrifying at the same time. How could she live without that? She loved him so much, she literally felt an ache low in her belly.

  She checked her phone every minute, hoping to see a message from him. Even a one-word text would be okay. The first day, after she’d told him it was over, they’d run into each other at the hospital. He’d brushed past her, going out of his way to avoid eye contact, acting almost as if she was contagious.

  During morning rounds, he’d busied himself talking to a first year resident with big boobs and a huge crush on him. Love wanted to choke her. She couldn’t avoid the whispers, the stares. Everyone was speculating the worst—that he’d cheated on her, which couldn’t be further from the truth. So she’d called in sick the next two days. She was a coward.

  Lana had texted her, phoned her, then finally burst into her room last night. Her cousin ordered her to “get her ass out of that bed,” but Love simply rolled over and turned up the television. Eventually, Lana relented, giving her another day to sulk before she called in the big dogs. Not that Love knew who the “big dogs” were. Not even her mother could get her out of her room, and she’d tried countless times.

  “Lovely?” I spoke too soon.

  Gloria limped into the room and sat beside her on the mattress. Love felt bad that she’d basically ignored her mother for two days, especially since she was still a sick woman. Love wanted to be there for her. Tomorrow. Yes, she’d get up and go to work tomorrow.

  Familiar hands massaged her shoulders, rubbed her back. “You have to get out of this bed. You’ve been in here for two days.”

  “I will, Mom. I’ll get up tomorrow.”

  Gloria let out a heavy sigh. “Your father called.”

  “I don’t want to talk to him.” She was pissed at her dad.

  After Drake moved out, her father had called and asked her for forgiveness. Confused, Love had played along, asked him why he did it, as if she knew what “it” was. She had no idea what he was talking about. When he’d confessed to coaxing the admissions department at Johns Hopkins to consider Drake for the fellowship, her anger had soared to new heights. It was the first and only time she’d ever cursed at her father, then she’d hung up on him.

  “You may not believe him, but he is sorry.”

  Love looked at her mother. “Why are you defending him, Mom? He doesn’t deserve that from you.”

  Gloria tapped her foot on the carpet. “Love, what happened between me and Leon wasn’t all his fault. You know that? It takes two people to make a marriage work and two people to destroy it.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense. One person can ruin a relationship.” She should know. She’d just done it. “He cheated on you, Mother.”

  “Yes, and that sucked. But our marriage was over a long time before he cheated. We just hadn’t made it official, because of you.”

  Love gasped. “What? You two seemed so happy.”

  “Because that’s what we wanted you to believe, babe. Sometimes a relationship is not meant to last a lifetime. Talk about two people whose lives were going in different directions. We grew apart. By the time he cheated on me, I’d already fallen out of love with him. I was just biding my time.”

  The revelation shocked Love to her core. She’d blamed her dad for being a cheating jerk. Well, he still was a cheating jerk.

  “When I talked to him today,” Gloria continued, sweeping a cookie crumbs and empty Fruit Snacks wrappers into her hand and throwing them into the small wastebasket beside the bed, “I told him to forgive himself, because I already did. Your father isn’t a bad person. He’s just misguided.”

  “And controlling,” Love added.

  “Very. But his heart was in the right place. He was really worried about you. He apologized to Drake.”

  Hearing that he’d done so meant a lot to Love. She was sure it made Drake feel better.

  “I did light into him, though.”

  Love wiped a tear from her cheek. “Why did he do it?
”

  “I’m not even sure he knows. I think what it boils down to is you’re his baby girl. No one will be good enough for you in his eyes. All he sees is the potential for hurt, and when you were born he made a vow to never let anyone hurt you.”

  “He hurt me. He manipulated me and my marriage.”

  “I know. There’s no excuse for his behavior, but I do believe he’s sincere in his apology.”

  “I love Drake, Mom. I want him to be happy, have everything he wants. Marriage and kids were never on his must-have list. It was stupid to even get involved, but we went in at full speed instead of being cautious. Now look at us. Barely speaking, barely friends. I hurt him.”

  She’d heard the tears in his voice as he’d begged her to open the door for him that morning it all fell apart. And she’d stubbornly refused, thinking she was doing what was best for both of them.

  Gloria squeezed her hand, pulled her into a tight hug. “I know you. I know Drake. You’ll always be friends. It’s awkward and hurts now, but it won’t be like this always. All is not lost.”

  Love wasn’t so sure. She wanted to believe their friendship could survive. They were stupid to try and change the dynamic so fast. They hadn’t thought it through, and they would suffer for the rest of their lives.

  “Listen.” Gloria pulled Love to her feet, patted her crunchy hair. “You need to get out of this bed and take a shower. You are ripe, daughter.”

  Love laughed. “I bet you’ve been waiting to say that since yesterday.”

  “I have, but I figured I’d give you some time before I pulled rank.” Her mother held her face in her hands. “You and Drake need to talk before he leaves the state. I spoke with him yesterday and he’s flying to Baltimore today to look for a place. His flight leaves at three o’clock. Now, if you want this friendship that you care about so much, go get him before he leaves.”

  Her mother was right. She couldn’t let Drake leave without telling him she loved him. He had been so much of her world, a huge part of her life. They’d done everything together, been with each other through every life moment that mattered. And one thing stayed constant. They never gave up on each other. She had to get to him.