It's Always Been You Read online

  “Hey, Drake,” Gloria said, entering the room. He smiled at his surrogate mother. Gloria was beautiful, full of life. He remembered how fast she used to move when they were children. She’d never stop moving, always picking up extra jobs and making sure she was in the right places.

  The Gloria of old was in stark contrast to the woman in front of him. Her gray hair was neat and she still had that gleam in her eyes, but her steps were slower. She wasn’t moving as fast, due to her limp. Love had explained what was going on, and he’d agreed to drive Gloria to the hospital that morning for her appointment.

  Diabetes was controllable, but it could be debilitating. He prayed that Gloria wouldn’t have to lose a limb.

  “Hey, Mom.” He stood and helped her to the couch. “How are you feeling?”

  “Well, I’ve seen better days, son.”

  “I figured we’d stop and get breakfast on the way to the hospital. Is that okay with you?”

  The older woman smiled. “You don’t have to put yourself out. Besides, I don’t have much of an appetite. They’ve got me on a new medicine, and it’s making me queasy.”

  Concerned, Drake asked, “Did you tell your doctor?”

  She shook her head. “Not yet. I plan to mention it today. We have a call scheduled for after my appointment with the surgeon.”

  Drake wondered if Gloria would consider moving to Michigan. He knew Love would feel better if she was closer. But he suspected Gloria would rather walk over hot coals than move here, especially since her business was thriving. She’d had to trust her shop to her employees for once. Knowing Gloria, that had to be hard on her. He couldn’t say he blamed her for not wanting to move, though. It wasn’t his ideal place, and definitely not somewhere he’d planned on staying.

  “Make sure you keep me posted. I’m glad you’re here, though. I feel better knowing that you’re getting a second opinion.”

  Drake had never understood how she’d fallen in love with Dr. Leon. They were nothing alike. Gloria was quirky and spontaneous, while Love’s dad was deliberate and serious. When they’d split up, it had been traumatic and sad. As a permanent fixture in their home, Drake remembered what they were like in love with each other, had seen the stolen kisses and playful swats on the butt. He’d heard the declarations of love and the banter between them. Somewhere along the line, it had disappeared and been replaced with bitterness and resentment, arguments and manipulation.

  Aside from the good times between Love’s parents, Drake had never seen a thriving and happy relationship. The ones he’d seen had all ended with broken hearts. He’d figured it was because people expected things of their mates and when those expectations weren’t met, the trust faltered. It was what scared him the most about being with Love.

  Love was Drake’s best friend, and he wanted her. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted any woman before, more than he wanted to scrub in on a thrombectomy this afternoon. But that didn’t necessarily mean he was willing to throw all his sensibilities out the window to risk winding up like Gloria and Dr. Leon, or his father and every single stepmother he’d had.

  “Tell me the truth,” Gloria said. “What’s going on between you and my daughter?”

  “We’re trying to figure things out.” Drake wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell his mother-in-law.

  “I can ask you because I know you’ll tell me the truth. Lovely likes to dismiss me, keep her life under wraps.”

  “You know your daughter. She’s always been very private.”

  “This marriage—how did it happen?”

  He shifted in his seat. “It just kind of did. I realized that my life was better with her in it and I popped the question.” The lie rolled off his tongue so easily, it shocked him. But he went with it.

  “I didn’t hear you mention love. Do you love her?”

  “I do.” There was no confusion. Drake knew he loved his wife. Again, it still didn’t mean they’d end up together. He’d rather be without her romantically than lose her altogether.

  “I worry about her, ya know? I’m getting older, Drake. I want her to be settled already. She’s so closed off to certain things. That’s why I’m so grateful she has you, because you’ve opened her eyes to possibilities. You wade out in the deep end while she stays near the shallow end. Since she was a child, I’ve always tried to make her see the glory in living life on her own terms. I want her to stop and smell the snapdragons.”

  He barked out a laugh. “I think she’ll be okay. She’s driven, goal oriented.”

  “Like her father,” Gloria mumbled, a hint of disgust in her voice.

  “But I’ve seen her free, unbothered. She is your daughter, too.”

  Gloria smiled sadly. “I didn’t want Love to be an only child.”

  This was news to him. “Really?”

  “I miscarried three babies after God blessed me with Lovely. She’s my little slice of heaven on earth. I’m so proud of her, and I know you’ll take good care of her.”

  “Mom, you’re scaring me. What’s going on with you?”

  She shrugged. “Nothing. Just thinking back on my life. It didn’t work out with her father and me, but I never want her to give up on love.”

  Drake glanced at Gloria, took in her tired eyes. She was sick, possibly facing major surgery. Of course she’d be concerned about where her daughter would end up if she wasn’t around. That was normal. But he hoped that time was many years away.

  Chapter 13

  Love opened the door and stepped in. “You called?”

  Her father sat at his desk, pen in hand and a stack of files in front of him. She recalled how hard it was to be his daughter at times, and how she’d almost buckled from the pressure her first year of medical school.

  It seemed like Love had had to fight for everything, including her medical school acceptance. Her father was old-school. He believed in hard work and had refused to give her preferential treatment when it came to her admission to the program. She was expected to work twice as hard and get in on her own merits.

  Love had tried to pretend that her father’s refusal to help her in any way with school hadn’t bothered her, but it had and still did. The man in front of her was well respected in the medical field, but all she’d ever wanted was his love and attention.

  Rubbing the stubble on his chin, he gestured toward the chair in front of his desk. “Have a seat.”

  “I’ll stand.”

  Dr. Leon, as everyone called him, used to be her hero and the most important man in her life. But that had changed somewhere around the time he’d left her mother and moved hundreds of miles away. He’d disappointed her time and time again, almost made it impossible to meet his lofty expectations. Yet she still hated to let him down.

  “Why did you do it?” he asked after a few tense moments of silence.

  “It seemed like the right thing to do at the time,” she answered.

  “Are you pregnant?”

  “You already asked me that, and I told you no. I’m not sure why you’re having such a hard time accepting my choice to marry Drake?”

  “I’ve racked my brain over this, and I can’t understand why you’d do this. Why would you throw your life away on a relationship that will never work?”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Lovely, you’re my daughter. I know you. You’ve wanted the big white wedding since you were a little girl. Yet you settle for a quick Las Vegas ceremony?”

  “I know you’re upset, but Drake is my husband. We’re together, and I want to give this a chance. For once, why can’t you support me?”

  “Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I expected any man that wanted to marry you to come to me first. You’re my only child, Love. I would have liked the honor of giving you away.”

  “I’m sorry you weren’t th
ere, Daddy. I know Mom wanted to be there, as well. But Drake didn’t force me to marry him. He didn’t do anything I didn’t want him to do. Please understand that.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t understand it. And despite what you may think, I only want the best for you.”

  “If you can’t see that Drake is what’s best for me, I don’t know what to tell you.”

  “Love, I just don’t agree.”

  “Well, I’m glad it isn’t your decision to make.” She crossed her arms. “I mean, it’s not like you don’t know Drake, Daddy. He’s the same person you took under your wing all those years ago. You taught him how to ride a bike, for Christ’s sake. You were more like a father to him than his own.”

  “You’re right. He is the same person I’ve known for years. Last I checked, Drake was looking for a career, not a wife. And that was just last month. He wants the high life, fly-in surgeries, penthouse view, guest lecturer. He wants fame and notoriety. You are fundamentally different people. This marriage will be over before it starts.”

  Love swallowed rapidly as her father ticked off the many reasons a relationship with Drake wouldn’t work. She had to admit they were all reasons that ran through her mind daily. “You don’t understand him. He would never hurt me.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. I do understand. Mark my words, you’ll end up heartbroken when he wakes up one morning and realizes he wants more.”

  It felt like a slap, and Love swayed on her feet. The words did more damage than she wanted to admit. The fact that her own father made it seem like she could never be enough for a man like Drake stung, but not more than the fact that she had wondered the same thing countless times over the past few weeks. Her father’s words served only to heighten her own fears about their fate, especially since she’d fallen for Drake as hard and fast as he’d made love to her last night.

  Frowning, she observed her father. A question had niggled at her mind for years. She’d never understood why her parents had divorced, and listening to her father just then, it all made sense. Clearing her throat, she asked, “Is that what happened with you and Mom?”

  “This isn’t about me and your mother.”

  “Isn’t it? How else can you explain how mean you’ve been about this? I get it, though. You don’t want me hurt. But Drake won’t hurt me.”

  “He will,” her father insisted. “You can’t say what he won’t do. Look, I like Drake. He’s a talented doctor with a long career ahead of him.”

  “Then why are you punishing him at work?”

  “I was angry, disappointed. I’ve remedied that as of today.”

  Love closed her eyes and sent up a silent “thank you, Lord.”

  “I respect him as a person,” her father continued. “He’s just not the man I want for my daughter.”

  “And Derrick is?”

  “Lovely, he’s a good man.”

  “He cheated on me. I can’t believe you’re pushing him on me, even knowing the truth.”

  “People make mistakes. But I know that Derrick is sorry for what he’s done. He’s honest about his shortcomings, humble. And I appreciate that about him.”

  Love shook her head, rolling her eyes at that ass-backward reasoning her father had thrown out. It pissed her off that the man who’d been larger than life to her at one point couldn’t admit the real reason he was so against her marriage.

  “Daddy, I wish you could see Drake the way I do.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she forged ahead. “And I wish you’d stop making him like you, when that couldn’t be further from reality. Yes, you hurt Mom. But that doesn’t mean Drake will make the same choices. The fact that you expect my husband will treat me the way you treated my mother pisses me off. It not only insults my intelligence, but it hurts that you assume I’m not good enough to keep a man like Drake happy.”

  “Love, baby girl, that’s not why—”

  She nodded, praying the tears wouldn’t fall. “It is, and it hurts. So, no, I won’t take Derrick back. I’m married to Drake, and until you can respect that, we don’t have anything else to say to one another.”

  Love stomped out of the office once again. She waited until she was on the other side of the closed door before she sagged against it, finally allowing the tears to fall. The only person breaking her heart at that moment was her father. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, tempted to call Drake. He was her safe place, after all.

  Her phone rang before she could dial, though. Staring at the screen, at the familiar number, she decided to answer. “I’m glad you called. I need to see you.”

  * * *

  Lunch at the hospital offered a wide variety of choices for a starving Love. She’d decided to go with something fattening after the argument she’d had with her father. With a plate of cheese fries and a juicy double cheeseburger, she headed toward the far right of the huge cafeteria, waving at a few friends on the way.

  As she approached the table where he sat, Derrick was typing furiously on his phone. They’d eaten lunch at that table many times over the course of their relationship.

  He smiled when he saw her, standing to greet her. Derrick placed a chaste kiss on her cheek and waited until she was settled before taking his seat again.

  Eyeing her food, he chuckled. “Bad day?”

  Love popped a fry in her mouth, moaning at the cheesy goodness. “You don’t want to know the day I’ve had, Derrick.”

  “Try me.”

  “Daddy.”

  He nodded, seemingly understanding without a wordy explanation. “Another argument, huh?” He snatched a fry from her plate.

  She shot him a sideways glance. “Can you say understatement?”

  “Love, I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes flashed to his dark ones. “What are you sorry for?”

  Derrick lifted his hands, then let them fall. “For hurting you, and then waltzing back into your life like you owed me something.”

  Love sat back, watching him as he explained that her father had tried to convince him to stick around and help drive a wedge between her and Drake. She was livid, had half a mind to send her father a “breakup” text, disowning him. He’d enlisted her ex to destroy her marriage. What nerve!

  Derrick reached out, placed a hand on top of hers. “It’s no secret that I don’t care for Drake, but I respect your decision. I told your father that, as well.”

  Surprised, Love smiled, glad that she hadn’t been completely wrong about Derrick. “Thank you.”

  “For what it’s worth, I hope Drake can make you happy.”

  She flipped her hand over and squeezed his. “I know it’s hard for you to say that, but I appreciate it. I wanted to see you because I felt like I had to be honest with you.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “Even if there was no Drake, I couldn’t be with you.” She felt his hand go slack in hers. “It’s not to say I don’t care for you, because I do, even after everything that’s happened between us.”

  Love had a light-bulb moment as she sat across from the man she’d thought she’d spend the rest of her life with. As good as they were together, it wasn’t enough for her. And Drake...even if they filed for divorce tomorrow, she’d never be the same. She’d been forever changed by this experience, and she was no longer willing to settle for less when she’d felt what true passion could be.

  “I’ve changed,” she admitted softly. “The person I am now is not willing to just accept everything someone gives her. I can admit that I played a huge part in the demise of our relationship, but I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. Long-distance relationships are hard, but I felt like you owed me more. And I just had to tell you that. I think you’re a good man, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I hope you understand.”

  “Actually, I do. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you�
�re right.”

  They sat for a minute in an awkward silence. Love wondered what he was thinking, but decided not to ask. They’d pretty much said it all, and she was ready to close the book on that chapter for good.

  “So, are you going to eat those fries?” he asked.

  She giggled and picked one up, pointing it at him. “Wouldn’t you just love for me to say no.”

  “Seriously, I’m hungry.”

  They spent a few more minutes catching up, before he had to leave. He hugged her, and walked out of her life.

  * * *

  Drake watched his wife have lunch with her ex with narrowed eyes.

  “Are you just going to let him worm his way back into her life?” Gloria said, elbowing him in the side.

  He flinched, rubbing the spot she’d hit. “Damn, Mom. That hurt.”

  “Drake, that is your wife. You need to go over there and get your woman.”

  “They’re just eating,” he told her, more to convince himself than his pushy mother-in-law. “I can’t keep making scenes at work. I told you about what happened the other day.”

  During their car ride that morning, Drake had confessed that he’d made a fool of himself at work and had since been tormented by his colleagues. His uncle-brother, El, had lead the charge, blazing on him every time he saw him. His younger brothers had also joined the group, making sure they mentioned his possessive ways every time they ran into him in the hall.

  Drake noted the way Love laughed, and was entranced at the way her head fell back when she did so. She enjoyed Derrick’s company, that much was clear. And he hated it. He hated him.

  “Hey, I’m all for giving zero—”

  “Shh,” he hissed, before she finished her sentence with an f-bomb. Gloria and he had an understanding. There wasn’t much he couldn’t say to her, but he wanted to keep it clean.

  “Hey,” she repeated, placing a hand on her hip. “Don’t shush me. You know I’m right.”

  “You’re right,” he grumbled reluctantly. “I’ll talk to her later. Don’t worry.”