It's Always Been You Page 11

  She shrugged. “Well, I think you’re an attractive man. So it’s not that far out of the realm of possibilities.”

  “I want us to be okay, Love. I almost could have believed we’d be good after the whole marriage and wedding night. But this week, that night...it was a choice we both made to go there again. I’m not so sure we can be all right after this.”

  Her stomach rolled. “But you said—”

  “I know what I said, Love. I married you while we were both intoxicated, and we got busy like we had no care in the world or concern for the consequences. That was bad enough, but I seduced you in your kitchen the next week. I kissed you in front of our coworkers. You went against your father for me. I can’t wrap my head around this. I feel like I’m the bad guy that your dad thinks I am because I couldn’t see past what I wanted for the good of our friendship.”

  “Wait, I’m a grown ass woman, Drake. You didn’t make me have sex with you.”

  “You’re sweet. You’re like Little Red Riding Hood.”

  “And you’re the Big Bad Wolf?”

  “Exactly.” He threw his hands in the air.

  She giggled. “Come on, Drake. You’re not some predator luring sweet little ole’ me into your lair for a little dessert and some cookies.”

  “You’re smiling again. And this isn’t funny.”

  “It is funny.” She scooted closer to him, until she was in front of him. Kneeling before him, she placed her hands on top of his. “I was a willing participant in everything, including the other night. I wanted you, just like I wanted you a few minutes ago. Now if you ask me why, again, I don’t know.”

  “It was good, Love. I want it again, too.”

  She felt a blush creep up her face. “Yeah, it was. I think it’s because we were in sync with each other, which isn’t new. We always work well together.”

  He frowned. “That’s a weird way of looking at it.”

  “Well, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, while you were avoiding me.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  There really was nothing to say, Love mused. He stroked a finger over her brow, and she leaned into his touch as he caressed her face. “That’s the problem. We can’t change what happened, or even explain why. We just know that we both enjoyed each other, and we’ll remember this for the rest of our lives. What we should talk about is our next step. How are we going to move forward?”

  “How do you propose we do that when we’re sleeping in close quarters? The attraction is palpable.”

  “I guess the real question is, are we going to stop?”

  His eyes widened, then narrowed. “Do you want to stop?”

  She bit her lip, tucked a stray hair behind her ear. The answer to that question was an enthusiastic “no.” But she couldn’t say that to him. Could she?

  “Let’s sleep on it,” she said instead. “We don’t want to make another rash decision.”

  He seemed to accept her answer. “Right. Well, I’m going to go downstairs and do some work.” He stood, and helped her to her feet. Her robe fell open and she closed it quickly. He fingered the opening, brushing his knuckle over her nipple. “Don’t sleep in that. In fact, why don’t you wear those ugly ass pajamas you bought last Christmas with the feet in them?”

  She laughed. He’d teased her mercilessly about her bunny pajamas. She’d found them at Macy’s and couldn’t resist. Apparently, they were coming back in style. “That would be a no. I haven’t worn them again because they’re so hot.”

  “Like the woman wearing them.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. “You’re making me high.”

  He offered her a bemused smile. “Join the club.” He leaned and whispered against her ear, “You don’t want to know what I’m thinking right now. So I’m going to go downstairs. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Love was getting whiplash from the back and forth between them. But she’d happily buckle up for the ride if it meant preserving what was best about them. She couldn’t live without him.

  Chapter 12

  The sound of Love’s alarm interrupted a steamy dream about Drake. She sat upright in the bed, and noted the empty room. Disappointed that Drake had disappeared on her again, she hurriedly dressed and made her way downstairs quietly. She didn’t want to wake her mother at four thirty in the morning, but she had a busy day ahead. Besides work, today was the appointment with her mother’s surgeon.

  In the kitchen, Love pulled a travel mug out of the cabinet and inserted a K-cup into the Keurig.

  “You’re up early.”

  She yelped, holding her hands to her chest. “Drake? You scared me. What are you doing up?”

  He stood and stretched. “Fell asleep studying.”

  The smell of caramel, vanilla and coffee filled the room, and her mouth watered. Love was a coffee girl. Having her morning cup of joe really was the best part of her day. She picked up her mug and replaced it with an empty one. “You want a cup?”

  Drake nodded. “Thanks.”

  She put two slices of bread into the toaster and pulled out the peanut butter from the pantry. “Breakfast?”

  “Nah. I’ll grab something on my way to work.”

  “Sure? I can scramble a couple eggs for you.”

  He moistened his lips, held eye contact with her for a minute, before turning away. “I’m good. It’s too early.”

  She held his mug, filled with his favorite breakfast blend, out to him. He took his coffee black. She shivered at the spark that passed between them when their fingers touched as he took the offered cup of coffee.

  Clearing her throat, she told him, “I’ve been thinking about our fathers. We’re doing the right thing, sticking together. They can’t know the sordid details of our wedding. It would just make matters worse.”

  With her mug in her hand, she blew on the coffee and took a sip. She’d planned to have a talk with her dad today, to make sure he knew where she stood.

  “I agree. What happens when we file for an annulment or divorce?”

  She snorted, doubting a judge would grant them an annulment now. The only thing in their favor was they were both intoxicated at the time. But even then, their history would make it hard. “Have you thought about which attorney you want to use? Maybe we can use Jared?”

  He rolled his eyes. “No.”

  Jared Williams was a friend that she’d met when she’d treated his twin sister, Sydney. She’d just broken up with Derrick, and “Red” had been charming and attentive. It was exactly what she’d needed at the time, but it didn’t go anywhere, since Red was hopelessly in love with another woman.

  “You do know that nothing ever happened between me and Red, right?”

  “That’s beside the point,” Drake said with a shrug. “Red doesn’t even practice family law. Why would we use him?”

  Love sighed. It was foolish to hope there was a tiny bit of jealousy on Drake’s part. She should have known he was being his practical self when he’d dismissed Red so quickly. “Right,” she muttered under her breath. “Do you want me to ask him if he can suggest someone?”

  “You could. Are we in a rush?”

  The loaded question caught her off guard. “I don’t know. You brought it up, so...”

  “I asked a question, Love.” His gaze locked on her as he took a sip of his coffee. It felt like a caress, like his hands were on her, touching her body. “I’m not saying I want to go out and hire someone right this second. We have a lot to consider. For one, my job. I haven’t seen any real action in the OR since we made this announcement. Even though your father doesn’t like us being married, I feel like if we get a divorce, he will really believe that I took advantage of you.”

  “Is that the only reason?” She tapped her fingernails against her mug and b
raced herself for his answer. They’d only agreed on the fact that they were attracted to each other. Staying married was another story.

  He set his mug down on the counter. “Take off your clothes,” he commanded softly, prying her mug from her clutches and setting it on the countertop, along with his.

  She opened her mouth to protest even as she unbuttoned her shirt. No words followed, just soft breathing from both of them. Apparently, she wasn’t moving fast enough, because he grabbed the waist of her jeans and pulled her to him to finish. He pulled her shirt off slowly, then unzipped her pants and peeled them off at an even slower pace. It was almost like torture, and he knew it. Love wanted to beg him to rip them off. Her body was on fire for him, needing him, wanting him.

  He leaned his forehead against hers. “You’re so damn beautiful. I don’t know if I’ll ever grow tired of touching you, kissing you.”

  “You haven’t kissed me yet.”

  He caught her bottom lip with his mouth, lingering there before moving to her top lip. They shared short, soft kisses for a few seconds before it grew more frantic, with tongue and teeth and groans and hisses. She held him to her, her fingers gripping his scalp as she fought to stay on her feet. He made her legs weak, her mind cloudy, but she was all in.

  She pulled his shirt off and pushed his pants down. “Drake, I want this,” she murmured against his mouth. “Make love to me. Now.”

  He released the band holding her hair up, and her curls fell over her shoulders. Sweeping them to the side, he bit down on her neck, before sucking the tender spot until she had to stifle a cry. Somewhere in the haze of desire she remembered her mother asleep in the guest room. But not for long. As Drake blazed a trail of kisses up her neck, to her jawline, her chin, then her mouth, she could think of nothing but him. His arm wrapped around her like a steel band, and lifted her against him, coaxing her to wrap her legs around his waist. This time, instead of taking her to the couch, he carried her up the stairs to the bedroom, kissing her the entire way.

  The taste of him made her dizzy with need. Her mind screamed to stop this before they ruined everything, but her heart and her body wanted him.

  Gently, he lowered her to the bed, brushing fingertips over her trembling skin. Drake was the musician and she was his instrument, and he played her like an expert. He knew her, remembered the places that made her squirm with pleasure. Kissing her below her ear, he whispered, “Tell me how you want it.”

  Love wasn’t shy, but she’d never taken the lead in lovemaking. She’d been content to let her partner take control. Drake made her want to please him, because he’d spent so much time making sure she was satisfied.

  “How about you tell me?” she asked, arching her brow. “What do you want?”

  He rested between her legs, ran his tongue over her parted lips. The hard evidence of his arousal pressed against her inner thigh. “You. That’s all.”

  Love searched his eyes. There was no hesitation, no doubt. His hand slipped between them, into her wet heat. Her mouth fell open with a soundless cry as he circled her clit with his thumb, teased her, tempted her. Her hips rocked against his hand as his finger slid in and out of her. She was so wet for him, so gone. The pleasure took her over, warmed her from the inside. She needed a release, and it didn’t take long for her to spiral out of control and fall over the cliff as a climax tore through her body.

  Love burrowed into the soft mattress, sated and drowsy. She placed a kiss on his neck, ran her tongue over the bulging vein that signaled his struggle to hold on, to not push forward inside her. His head fell to her shoulder and she tickled the hair at his nape, hugging him to her.

  Seconds later, as he placed wet kisses against her ear, her shoulder and the base of her neck, she opened her eyes. He stared down at her, a sexy smile on his lips that seemed to ignite the ache between her thighs. She was consumed by him, as if he’d crawled inside her and taken over her body and soul. She wanted more, needed it to survive, like she needed sunlight or water.

  As if he’d read her mind, he smoothed a hand down her side, over her waist to her knee, and raised it to wrap around his hip. Gripping her leg, he rested his length against her opening. She pushed up, tried to take him in, but he didn’t move.

  “Drake, please.”

  “Tell me how you want it,” he repeated.

  “I... I don’t know.”

  The tip of his rock-hard erection pressed against her. “Love.” His mouth met hers again in a soft feather of a kiss. It was vulnerable, needy. “I need you to say it.”

  The way he’d said her name, the way he implored her to tell him how she wanted to be loved, shook her resolve. There was a longing there she hadn’t noticed before. Drake needed her to give him permission, to make it okay to love her in this way.

  The line they’d crossed a couple weeks ago was gone. There was nothing standing between them, nothing in their way. She could give in and let this be what it was, or deny him. It was her choice, always her choice.

  “Love.” His hand tangled in her hair, pulled gently, urging her to make the decision.

  Swallowing, she kissed his chin, then nipped it with her teeth. “I want you nice and slow.”

  She cried out as he filled her, the sound muffled by his mouth over hers in a demanding and passionate kiss. He held still, giving her a chance to adjust to his size, before telling her, “Your wish is my command.”

  An hour later, they lay joined together in a tangle of limbs. Love was nestled against Drake, her face against his chest. “I’m so late for my shift.”

  She felt the rumble of laughter underneath her cheek. “No, you’re not. You’re always two hours early. You still have time.”

  Propping herself up on her elbow, she kissed him. “I better go,” she said against his mouth. “I have to shower again and get over to the hospital.”

  “I won’t be there for a few hours.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  He cocked his head to the side, raising his eyebrows. “You have to ask?”

  Love ran her thumbnail over a scar on his chest. “Yes, I do. This is a serious one.”

  Drake groaned. “No, we can’t go all serious lying in bed naked. I don’t want to ruin the moment.”

  She sat up, holding the thin sheet against her body. “I have to ask.”

  He held her hand, ran his finger over the pulse point in her wrist. “Go ahead.”

  “Drake, I hate that your father makes you feel the way he does. Have you ever considered telling him how you really feel?”

  “He already knows, Love.”

  “How could he?”

  “I told him, when I was a senior in high school. I found out he’d never stopped sleeping with my mother. He’d lied to me for years, allowed me to believe that he had no connection to her and didn’t know how to get in touch with her. They’d seen each other every single time he visited Reno, or she came to Vegas. And that wasn’t even the worst part. He supported her financially, all the way up until she died.”

  “What?” A weight settled in her gut at his admission. “How could he?”

  “Trust me, I’ve asked myself that same question many times since then.” Drake explained that the argument started when Dr. Law broke the news of Drake’s mother’s death. It had spiraled from there, with the two men almost coming to blows. “The worst part was he didn’t see where he was wrong. Still doesn’t.”

  Drakes eyes watered, and her heart broke for him. She thought back to that time. Drake had been angry, withdrawn. She’d assumed it was grief over never knowing his mother and hadn’t pushed him to open up to her. “I’m so sorry.”

  “There is nothing for you to be sorry for.”

  She felt the anguish radiating off of him, the despair at finding out that his mother had been in touch with his father but had never reached out to
Drake. “I blame her, too. She could have demanded to see you. All those years, she had access to you and didn’t take it.”

  Love climbed on top of him and hugged him. When his arms wrapped around her tightly, she closed her eyes. Love wasn’t sure what she’d say to Dr. Law when she saw him again. She just knew that she wouldn’t let him make Drake feel bad for being himself.

  “It hurt,” he confessed, his voice cracking. “I hated him for it. I lived in that house feeling like I was his dirty little secret, that I would never be good enough for him. He’d told me all these horror stories about my mother, and I accepted what he’d said because I didn’t know her. He lied to me over and over, didn’t even think he owed me the truth.” Drake kissed Love’s her forehead.

  “Well, that’s on him. He did owe you the truth, Drake. And you are good enough.”

  She looked at him then. Tears welled in her eyes and their gazes held. He brushed a tear from her cheek. “You know why I believe that now?”

  “Why?”

  “Because of you. You have always seen the best in me, been my biggest cheerleader. The support you’ve given me is invaluable. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Another tear fell. “That’s why we can’t let whatever this is get between us.”

  “We won’t,” he vowed. “We can’t.”

  * * *

  An hour later, Drake sat in the living room drinking another cup of coffee. Love had left only a few minutes earlier, after he’d bared his soul to her and made love to her again.

  They’d turned another corner that morning, lying in each other’s arms. He’d shared something with her that he’d never told another person, and it felt good to be honest with someone about his mother and father.

  Drake had never been an insecure person, except when his father was involved. It had taken him a lot of years to get over the revelation that his mother just never wanted him. The fact that she could willingly sleep with a married man while ignoring her own kid made him grateful that he’d never gotten to know her. He was certain she would have destroyed his life if she’d been a part of it.